Below are some real examples from resumes I received, modified to protect the innocents. Each one is follwoed with my take on the quote.
1. Although I have no academic degree ,I authored multiple papers for master and undergraduate students. The papers got excellent grades and I was paid well.
- I’m dishonest, cheated for a living, and dim-witted enough to write about it in a CV.
2. My high school average grade is 107.
- It is actually possible in Israel , but not very relevant if you are over 22.
3. While working in ACME Corporation I also started a startup with two friends.
- I cheated on my former employers , failed miserably and now you have the opportunity to let me do it again.
4. English as a mother tonge.
- Excellent control of the spell checker as well.
5. Programming language : Basic, Logo, Turbo Pascal, C,C++, LISP, Visual Basic.
- Someone once told me to mention every technology I have ever heard of.
6. Operating Systems : DOS, Windows 98,Windows 2003.
- Not many people pratice DOS these days and I’m unique.
7. Army Service: Sniper. Finished first in Class.
- You’d better hire me, or else…